Comic Relief: It Saves Lives

***Before reading the following blog, realize that I love my mother and I hope that nobody thinks other wise. ***

   My mom is one of the stay-at-home variety who homeschools her five children: me and my four younger siblings. Thus, we spend a lot of time with her; and, as with anyone who spends a lot of time with someone else, sometimes arguments and frustrations crop up on both sides. When emotions are running high in my house, everybody knows to stay away from mom until she cools down. This is stuff every kid knows, right? Right. But what if there were a way to speed the cooling process? There is. Allow me to elaborate...

   I can be an annoying child. On Friday, every Friday, the second I finish school, I can be hyper. Yes, 17-year-olds can be hyper. The prospect of a bondage-free weekend inspires a natural high in me. My energy level is increased by n and it needs to be released. So, I tend to make jokes that can be repetitive and obnoxious. I have a history of finding one 'catchphrase', latching on to it, and refusing to let go. For example, I happened across some Jerry Seinfeld and found a certain phrase he used that was very funny to me; "What's the deal?" Thus the title of this blog. After the umpteenth repetition of this sentence, I was driving my mom insane, and she got mad. Rightly so, might I add. Nobody's perfect, and I am certainly not the exception. So, she was driven to FORBID me from ever saying 'what's the deal?' in her presence again. This example shows you how I tend to get in trouble. But when I fall into the Pits Of Wrath, no one ever says I can't get out...

   Everyone gets in trouble with their mother, and every mom gets mad. But no mom stays mad forever. The sooner she has calmed down and is happy again, the better for the whole household. You see, when mom is mad at one child for something, and then another child has some other, smaller offense, the chances are now higher that he'll be in deeper trouble than normal. Therefore, the faster mom is happy, the better for all the children. But how to make her happy...?

   They say laughter is the best medicine. (Wait, who says?) I believe them. (Whoever they are...) Whenever I feel down, a good joke always cheers me up. This principle applies to just about everyone, including your mother. When she is in a foul mood, cheer her up with a good joke. To do this, however, you need to know the brand of humor your mother enjoys. Take my mother for example. She enjoys lighthearted, cute sorts of humor. Let me give you an example of a very successful joke:

   A duck walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk, "Got any gwapes?".
The clerk says, "No, we don't. This is a hardware store."
So the duck leaves. Next day, he comes back and asks the clerk "Got any gwapes?".
The clerk rolls his eyes and says "No! This is a hardware store!"
 So the duck leaves. Third day, the duck returns and yet again asks the clerk "Got any gwapes?".
 The clerk loses it. "No! This is a hardware store! We don't carry grapes! If you come here asking for grapes again, I'll staple your feet to the floor!"
 So the duck leaves. Next day, the duck returns. He asks "Got any staples?"
The clerk replies "No, fresh out, sorry."
"Got any gwapes?"

   So, next time your mom is in a bad mood, use this joke to cheer her up. Money back guarantee that it'll work.

~Ian James~